One month ago, I was sitting in the back office of my former job, crying my eyes out. Yet another simple thing I’d done was blown out of proportion by management. I was beginning to get the feeling that they wanted me gone.
I remembered the good ol’ days. Back before my manager called me in alcoholic stupor and made me take him to the hospital. Back before my dad died and my brain wasn’t so broken. Back before our old assistant manager left to work at another store. Everything had fallen apart.
I poured everything I had into that job. I covered shifts, I took care of customer issues, I found the perfect products for my regulars. I knew that store like the back of my hand.
I stepped outside for a moment, putting my coworker in charge, to call my boyfriend. “Babe,” I said, “I have to quit.”
How I Overcame
I had nothing lined up. But instead of letting that stop me, I let it fuel me.
This company didn’t believe in me? Well, I’d show them. I told them for years about my abilities in writing and how I could be an asset. Instead, they ignored me. So it was time to do the work myself.
I put in my two week’s notice with a heavy heart but an excited spirit. Those last weeks were hectic, but I counted every moment until I was done.
In the meantime, I worked. I applied to over a dozen jobs and decided to throw some applications in for freelance writing. What would you know — I landed two clients in the span of 24 hours. My first two clients.
I’ve since added a third — a copywriting job in the same industry I left. And in less than a month, I’m making the same amount of income I was at my retail job.
And guess what? None of it required bravery.
Don’t Be Brave
I suffer from social anxiety, so it’s not easy for me to talk to people in a public sphere.
The advice people give me a lot is: “Don’t listen to your anxiety. Be brave and do what you want.”
The trouble with that advice is: just living a normal life with anxiety requires unprecedented bravery. Every moment of the day is its own small world-ending disaster after another, so just getting out of bed is the pinnacle of bravery for me sometimes.
It’s not so much about being brave, in my opinion.It’s about realizing that what you want is more important than your fear.
Read that again: it’s about realizing what you want is more important than your fear.
Listen, I know all about fear ruling your life. Today, I almost had a panic attack at the grocery store because I hit my shin and it sent me into a fear spiral.
For the most part, though, fear is kind of silly. Fear is put there to stop you from killing yourself, essentially — it wasn’t put in your brain to hold you back from the life you want to achieve.
Be so busy living your life that fears stops mattering. It never goes away completely, but you get used to listening to it nag and then not doing anything about it.
Don’t listen to your fear. There is no growth there.
Finding Your Way to Freedom
Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. — Marilyn Ferguson
It’s all well and good for me to give you some esoteric advice. “Hmm, sounds good,” you say, and move onto the next read. But I want to give you actionable words. I want you to know deep within your heart that your desire for a better life is more important than your fear.
So here’s a three step process for overcoming your greatest fears.
1. Take a deep breath.
This will probably be painful. It might even be excruciating. That’s okay — you’ve gotten through worse. Don’t brace against your fear: accept it.
One mantra I find particularly helpful is from Frank Herbert’s Dune:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Only you will remain after your fear passes. Remember that.
2. Do the thing.
What is preventing you from growing? What is holding you back?
What is one step you can take towards the future? What is one fear you must overcome?
Do it. It might be painful, embarrassing, heart-breaking, boring, or even just plain bad — but you made an attempt. You took aim towards yourself and even if you didn’t land quite on target, at least you made a shot.
For me, it was quitting my job. I had spent two years jobless before I found that job and I was afraid I’d have to ask others for help. My mental illness has held me back before, but I vowed it would not this time.
I’m doing the freelance writing thing. I’m off on my own: my greatest fear and my greatest desire. I am so proud of myself, even if I fail. At least I tried.
3. Assess your progress and be proud.
You may not have overcome your fear yet, but taking small steps is something to be proud of. Perhaps you aren’t quite ready to play sold-out amphitheaters after just one open-mic night, and that’s okay. I’m not yet a published novelist, no.
I took a leap. And I’m now one inch closer to the reality of my dreams. One
step forward is still progress. We have to appreciate that progress and be proud of ourselves for starting out. Look forwards, not back.
You Have the Power
It is all within you. The fear and the desire to overcome it — that is the growth waiting to begin. Fear is not something to hide away from, like a coward. Instead, stare it in the face, just as you face the brightness of your future.
The past holds nothing; the future, everything.
Live your best life, because you deserve it. Only you have the power to create it.
What are you waiting for?
Originally published on Medium.com on July 10th, 2019.
Total Panic Meltdown 