The air was full of promise — the smell of spring wildflowers dappling the verdant green grass, the rustling of the wind in the dried leaves, and the swaying of the Spanish moss on the branches of the live oak trees.
This place was ancient. And it told me something deep.
Before that moment, I’d always felt like I was borne by a chaotic tide. That I had no control over my life, over my emotions, over my yearning and endless heart.
And then, everything changed. The power lifted me up into its gentle hands and caressed me.
At the moment I realized I hated myself, I took hold of the reins to take control over my life.
It’s a story I’ve shared [countless] [times]. But it never loses its flavor.
Because I’m not the only one with that power. You can change your life, too.
You, too, can realize the depth and breadth of the soul that fills up your human cage. You do not have to be limited to your own usual patterns, to life the way you’ve always lived it.
Follow me. I’ll take you on a journey towards a better world. A world where your dreams take center-stage.
1. Identify What You Wish To Change
This step, like all the steps that follow, requires a bit of honesty you may not be ready to give.
That’s always been the toughest part of starting: seeing through my own bullshit.
But you likely know what you want to change.
It may be something external — you finally want to lose the weight and lower your blood pressure, or you want to go plant-based with your eating habits.
Or it may be something internal, like conquering your anxiety or going after a dream you’ve put off for decades.
For me, my problem was this: I hated myself.
And I don’t mean I struggle with self-loathing. I literally hated myself. The way I walked, the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I danced. Everything about me was an embarrassment.
That was the first step, though. Figuring it out.
Whatever it is that’s holding you back in life — that’s what we’re focusing on today. Because if you’re being held back, your progress forward won’t matter.
So establish that one thing. It can be big or small, as long as you dedicate yourself to changing it.
2. What Is Stopping You?
Why haven’t you changed already? There must be obstacles in your way, fictional or real, to stop you from moving forward on your own.
Identify those obstacles. What is holding you back? Make a list of three items that are stopping your forward progress.
For me, those obstacles were all mental. I hated myself because my childhood had given me the mistaken idea I was unlovable, and that still is my biggest obstacle in coming to fall in love with myself.
If you don’t identify problems before they arise, you’re more likely to give up.
So look deep into yourself. Find where the resistance is. And then we will make a plan to fight it.
3. Create An Action Plan
Now that we know where we’re going and what kind of obstacles stand in our way, we must create a plan of action.
I’m all for plans. I’m a to-do lister, write-down-everything-and-anything type of gal, so I find it easiest to rip a sheet of paper out of my notebook and jot down those obstacles.
It’s easier to find solutions when the problem is staring you in the face.
Now’s the fun part! It’s time to brainstorm how exactly we will:
- Change our lives
- Combat the obstacles that stand in our way
- Get back on track when we fall off
There’s no way you’re going to succeed without any problems. But if you have a plan of action to follow, it makes it a lot easier to stay on track with your goals.
For instance, my plan of action to help heal my self-hatred was to:
- Speak more self-love to myself
- Combat self-criticism with positive thoughts/words (obstacle I am combating)
- Forgive myself when I mess up, but continue moving forward and never giving up
If you already have plan, you’re halfway there!
4. Get On The Struggle Bus
If it was easy, you would’ve done it already.
This is the hard part. The part where you don’t get the rewards, only the difficulty that comes with change.
Here’s a secret: patterns are hard to break free from.
Humans are controlled by the routines and unthinking habits we fall into.
If it’s your goal to change for the better, you have to understand how much you do without consciously thinking about it.
The Struggle Bus means being mindful. It doesn’t mean completely stopping or starting your goals — it means that persistence is what’s important here, going forward even when you fail.
Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t succeed right away. You’ll get there. Keep on riding the Struggle Bus.
5. Stay Disciplined
Don’t give up just because of setbacks — remember that you planned for them.
Our little list of obstacles and solutions? This is where it truly comes in handy.
Discipline is most important when you’ve made some progress. Don’t allow the little things to get in your way.
I’m seven years out from the life-change I created, and I still struggle with negative thoughts about myself. It’s not the norm, but it is still a mode my mind falls into without me noticing.
So I use my tricks. I combat that criticism with a little self-love and a little gratitude. I make lists of why I’m great, despite that voice.
I may not be perfect, but I’m trying. Discipline is key during this step.
6. Profit: Your Life Has Changed!
Congratulations! Perhaps you haven’t quite achieved your goals yet, and that’s okay.
The important part of changing your life is this journey, not the destination to getting there.
That’s where you learn the important things: when you struggle and discipline yourself anyway.
But look at you. You have that power within you, thrumming beneath your skin. Changing your life, even in a small way, compels you to want to reach for bigger things, for larger goals and higher mountains to climb.
Are you ready? To become the person you are meant to be?
I hope so, because it’s time.It’s time to live your dreams.
Originally published on Medium.com on August 8th, 2019.
Total Panic Meltdown 